I received an overwhelmingly positive response to my last post in which I revealed not only that I’m pregnant, but that this good news comes on the back of a very dark time of regret and despair about my previous decisions.
Thankfully, no one blamed me. No one shamed me. Only compassion and support came my way, and that was beautiful. 💝
After a long period of blaming and shaming myself, it was a relief to be received with grace. 🤗
If only we could offer compassion and understanding to ourselves as freely as we give it to others! 🤲
Interestingly, back in early 2020, as my regret hit me like a freight train, and I made the conscious decision to “shut down” and lick my wounds in private, BOOM, the whole world shut down too. 🥺
For this reason, the lockdowns didn’t bother me so much. I felt incapable of going out in public without weeping, and putting myself “out there” felt like a charade.
I only wanted to hide. And so I did…
Slowly, slowly, over the last two years, I’ve attended to my healing and rebuilt my strength. In the process my will to be of service has returned. Truthfully, I do have a lot of knowledge that can help others, and I’m now nurturing my courage to share it again. 💝
Now, I am truly a different person. My essence is the same—the spirit of Erotic Innocence—but through the life lessons I’ve been delivered, I have no hesitation in saying I have more wisdom. 💎
Here are 3 pearls I’ve harvested that have changed me:
🦺 Safety is an Inner Game.
Looking outside of ourselves for reassurance of safety is a way of giving away your power. It overlooks that SAFETY IS AN INSIDE JOB.
In my case, I looked to a man to feel safe enough to have a baby, and when I didn’t perceive it, I regrettably rejected the child in my womb. Thanks to a plant medicine journey, I realized a deeper truth and came to my senses, but then it was too late, and I’d painfully lost the baby and the marriage.
For you this may apply to feeling the safety to
✨ Feel delicious in your body
✨ Have a divine relationship
✨ Or to have multi-orgasmic sex, with yourself or another.
Ultimately, thought we can receive comfort and reassurance from outside of ourselves, only you can cultivate and provide that safety for yourself.
🙅♀ Blaming Others Gets you Nowhere.
I was raised with blame as the emotional bread and butter of life. It was a serious affliction for me. Sometimes I’m still ensnared in its trap, but I’ve truly discovered, not only does it get you nowhere, it actually sets you back.
I blamed a man for my life not looking the way I expected it to look in order to take the leap into motherhood, and that was a huge mistake. Deep down, I knew I was ready, but I was so caught in blaming him, that I believed “we were not ready.”
For you this may apply to blaming your parents, your partner, or events of the past as to why you are not ready to:
✨ Shine your light
✨ Feel pleasure in every cell
✨ Or be the highly orgasmic woman you are biologically wired to be.
Taking accountability is the antidote. You are the heroine of your own story, and you can do this. Blame is toxic. Identify its sneaky presence and let it go.
❤️🩹 Abandonment Wounds can Cause Immense Damage.
Through personal experience, I discovered that by carrying an unaddressed, unconscious abandonment wound, I project on my partner that I was being abandoned, and then I abandoned him.
For me abandonment is a multi-generational wound. My mother’s mother died when she was a young child, which she experienced as the ultimate abandonment, and never consciously healing this wound, she carries it through her life until today. Little did I know the depth to which I had absorbed the same wound, until it had done untold damage in my life.
For you this may apply to:
✨ Perceiving rejection when it’s not actually there
✨ Giving up too quickly on others or yourself
✨ Feeling alone and disconnected while there’s a whole world of people ready and willing to love and embrace you.
If abandonment is a wound for you, do all you can to address it. Deep belonging and feeling supported by the universe lies on the other side.
I’ve been cooked and burnt in the fire of my own medicine in ways that I never have been before. I’ve learned these lessons through trial and error, and not from a book. 💎
No doubt you’ve been singed by life’s flames too, but if you’re reading this, some part of you knows you can be a phoenix, rising from the ashes into greater and greater heights of awareness, fulfillment and satisfaction with life. 🔥
Thankfully, life has given me a second chance. I’ve remarried. I’m pregnant—and with a girl! 🤰👧
My allegedly polished self is no more. I’m here for you, raw and naked, and this is what you can expect from me now.
I welcome your insights and feedback.