I have big news to share… I am 7 months pregnant and expecting a girl in December. 🤰
I am thrilled. My husband Deva is thrilled. And we feel celebrated by our community in our conscious choice to bring a child into the world at this time.
In case you’re curious, no, unfortunately it was not a “natural” conception, achieved the old-fashioned way. At 44 years old I found myself looking young on the outside, while the reality of my ovaries was a whole other story.
However, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine and fertility technology, a child is now growing in my womb. 💖
And it’s a GIRL! 👧
I’m especially happy about this. After so many years devoting myself to the feminine arts and taking a stand for women’s empowerment, I’m delighted that I can pass this knowledge on to my daughter.
There’s so much my mother never taught me, that I plan to impart to my little one, and this is really exciting. 🤗
There’s so much to say about my evolution towards motherhood, notably the impulsive choice I made a few years ago, to have an abortion that I profoundly regretted only a few weeks later.
This choice, that I tried to justify, led to the demise of my marriage with a good man, and brought me to my knees in the darkest night of my soul.
What’s done cannot become undone. I learned this lesson the hard way.
The lessons from this experience that brought me to the brink of wanting to end my life, include now having:
💎 A greater empathy for the suffering of others, because I’ve been there myself.
💎 An appreciation of how precious life truly is, because I squandered it
💎 An awareness of, and compassion for the levels of developmental trauma that I was living with, that led me to make that choice at the time.
People who know me say I’m more grounded and relatable now. I’m more humble. And I can say for myself, that I’m now really ready to be a mother.
My husband and I joke that we had an arranged marriage, “arranged” by the child spirit that brought us together. It feels like the truth.
Love ain’t easy, and we’re working through being two very different people coming from two very different backgrounds, uniting around this common goal of birthing and raising a happy child, in a happy family. 👨👩👧
On some level I didn’t want to dampen the excitement of sharing my pregnancy with this heavy content, but more than that I didn’t want to gloss over the grief and darkness I’ve been through in the last two years that I’ve barely mentioned in the public sphere.
Authenticity is a huge driver for me, and with this honesty, I hope you can “see” me, and know me, with greater depth.
I am a woman who has made mistakes, who has fallen apart, and who has built myself up from the ground again. And in mid-December, I will be a mother. 💗
Though I’ve been in relative hiding for the last two years, I’m optimistic that with the imminent birth of my child, a great rebirth is afoot. I’m confident that with this dark secret now out in the open air, that you’ll be seeing and hearing more of me—back from the darkness, out in the light. ✨
To anyone who lives with regret, I feel you.
To anyone who has had to move mountains to bring a dream to life, I’m with you.
Life is complex and not a straight line.
Here’s to a great third trimester for me, with my husband Deva and my friends by my side. I welcome your celebrations. 🥳
More to come,