I have one rule for myself when it comes to the bedroom which is “no performing.”
What that means to me is no acting as if I’m enjoying something when I’m not.
Of course, no faking orgasms, but also no faking a single moan or groan.
No performing in bed doesn’t mean don’t be theatrical or bring creativity or play to the scene. Amuse yourself and have fun, but let it be always authentic.
Don’t pretend to be into something when your mind is drifting and when you’re honest with yourself you know you’re going through the motions.
I used to regularly dissociate from my sexual experience, as if I was removing myself from the experience, and waiting until it was over. As you can imagine, I never had an orgasm, and I felt dirty afterwards, as if what my mother was saying about sex being bad was really true.
I was “performing” sexually for approval and attention and simply to explore, but truth be told I was mostly numb.
When I finally made a pact with myself to disengage from performance sex, all the rules I had for myself changed.
I had to find the courage to be real in bed, not a “Barbie” for the pleasure of another and it made all the difference.
Check out my vlog below on this topic including the number one technique for stopping this pattern and for having a LOT more pleasure instead.
If you’re familiar with performing in the bedroom and ready for a better more connected experience, then leave me a comment to let me know where you’re at.